“Marriage is work”! Does that statement strike a chord? Do you feel as if you cruised through dating and courtship, only to drive into a rugged terrain in marriage?

Many couples bemoan the stark difference between marriage and dating. In marriage, there’s a need to exert oneself both mentally and physically.

The effortless love enjoyed during dating loses its ease, morphing into work. Who messed with the terrain? Did God design marriage as hard work?

All Relationships Demand Work

My best friend in high school and I were joined at the hip. We had vowed to be best friends forever. We could not envision life without each other.

We vowed to scale mountains if we had to, to keep our friendship ablaze.

Needless to say, after hurtling off to different Universities, we lost touch faster than we could say “first year”.

There’s not a single relationship on the face of the earth that thrives without the input of the parties involved.

There’s a need for constant communication, physical meetings, celebrations, and support for each other during tough times

Couples feel as if they cruised through courtship and dating because the relationship was mostly fueled by romantic love.

Powered by overzealuos Oxytocin, relating with each other felt effortless. But let’s be honest, romantic love eventually grinds to a screeching halt.

Your heart eventually stops racing, and you cease getting breathless when your macho man or damsel walks into the room.

This means that you both need something else to latch onto. Romantic love is replaced by intentional love, aka work.

So yes, as a husband, you will need to listen to your wife’s winding tales, show her affection, and date her regularly.

As a wife, you will need to prioritize sexual intimacy, respect his decisions, and compliment him.

You will both need to meet each other’s needs, and that requires effort.

It is highly recommended that you learn your partner’s love language and speak it fluently if you want to enjoy a thriving marriage.

Gifts Shove in Responsibilities

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).

Paul wished that all men were like he was. Single. Free. Untethered. However, he acknowledged that each person had their gift.

He had the gift of singlehood while others had the gift of marriage. He advised those who could not exercise self-control to go ahead and marry (1 Corinthians 7:7-9).

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Being unmarried, Paul couldn’t care less (pun intended). He only cared about pleasing the Lord. But for his married counterparts? He didn’t mince his words.

They had their work cut out for them. They needed to constantly conjure up ways of enthusing their spouses.

Choosing to get married is like consciously stuffing more clothes into your backpack.

If it feels heavier, it’s because you needed an extra jacket and scarf. To whom much is given, from him more is required (Luke 12:48).

So if you are blessed with a spouse, roll up your sleeves and get to work.

God Has High Standards for Marriage

God points to the relationship between Christ and the church as a guide on how couples should relate.

This is a mind-boggling standard in every sense of the word. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord.

Husbands, on the other hand, are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving up his life for her (Ephesians 5:22-28).

Quite frankly, these are astronomically high standards. Couples can only heed them through God’s help.

It can feel rock hard for a wife to submit to a flawed husband. It can be gruelling for husbands to sacrificially love their equally flawed wives.

Heeding this command will require spouses to deny themselves and die to their flesh. You bet that’s work. Hard, gruelling work.

Allow God to Build Your Marriage

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).

Marriage takes work from both spouses. However, without God, all our labour will amount to zilch.

Millions of people across the globe have tried to build great marriages without God. Sadly, their efforts have gone belly-up.

King Solomon observed that only by wisdom can a house be built, and by understanding established (Proverbs 24:3).

God wants couples to build their marriages through the wisdom nestled in His word. He wants couples to mimic the wise man who built his house on the rock.

When the rain, floods, and the winds pounded against the house, it did not keel over because it was founded on the rock (Mathew 7:24-25).

So yes, marriage takes work, but when couples follow the wisdom in God’s word and rely on His grace, it is possible to build formidable marriages that glorify God.